My Dear Ol’ Dad

Seven years…

That’s how long it had been since I’d last shared words with my dad.

A few weeks before my birthday, thoughts of possibly reaching out to him crossed my mind, but I didn’t act on them. I can’t really remember why I didn’t do it, I just know it didn’t happen.

December 12th, 2016 marked 24 years of life on planet earth for me, and I was celebrating that milestone with my mom at BJ’s Brewhouse. Ironically, at the very same place my God Dad, Brian, took me seven years ago when he flew into town for my high school graduation.

I hadn’t been to that location since going with Brian. I couldn’t even tell you why I decided I wanted to eat there, but I did.

While eating, I get a phone call from a number I don’t recognize. It’s my birthday, so I’m not really tripping about who’s possibly calling.

It wasn’t until I heard his slightly scratchy tone and country twang that I knew it was him; my biological father. He asked me if I knew who it was and I confidently said, “Erick.”

I remember smiling so big and looking at my mom and telling her it was my dad on the phone.

He told me he wanted to take me out to eat and catch up with me. I took him up on his offer and that began the start of what I deemed a new beginning.

I had just turned 24, I was relaunching my blog, perfecting my energy and cleaning up my 23-year-old slate. My dad reaching out to me was like the icing on the cake, especially with the way it happened.

So, here’s some background story for you guys!

Brian was killed in a motorcycle accident in Georgia a few years ago, and my last time seeing him or spending any physical time with him was at that specific restaurant when he came to see me graduate high school in Oklahoma…seven years ago.

I was super excited when I picked up the phone and heard my dad’s voice. I was so excited, I cried.

“Finally,” I thought to myself. “The missing piece to my puzzle has been found and my life is on its way to being complete!”

Is it not ironic that the same place I last interacted with my God Dad would miraculously become the same place my biological dad would pick up the pieces to our broken relationship?

I felt like it was a sign from both God and Brian, that it was finally time for me to move on from that feeling of incompleteness. This was the moment I had secretly been waiting for.

That’s why I cried. The significance of it all was so overwhelming.

Anywho, in my last post about my dad, I remember telling you guys I felt like it was too late. Like, what would we possibly have to talk about now?

I don’t feel that way anymore.

I don’t know exactly how to describe our relationship at the moment, but I know there is plenty of opportunity for growth and I’m excited to see where it goes. It’s been five months or so, and he hasn’t let me down yet. *big smile*

All in all, I’m so thankful he reached out, even if it took seven years, and that we can finally freely communicate and hang out. It means the world to me that I can once again speak about the man who helped create me.

-Destiny.

Soul Mate vs. Life Partner

SOUL MATE VS. LIFE PARTNER

I first published this post via As Told By Destiny on March 7, 2016. Somehow, these thoughts have resurfaced and I’m super excited to revisit them one year later.

Monday on Facebook I posed the question: “Are you supposed to marry your soulmate?”

Prior to me asking this question, a friend and I had a conversation about soulmates vs. life partners, and how you’re not “supposed” to marry your soulmate, but instead your “life partner.”

Last year when someone presented this topic to me, I seriously thought they were crazy, so I did some research and came across this website. This is how they defined the two:

Soul mate: Someone who is aligned with your soul and is sent to challenge, awaken and stir different parts of you in order for your soul to transcend to a higher level of consciousness and awareness. Once the lesson has been learnt, physical separation usually occurs.

Life Partner: A companion, a friend, a stable and secure individual who you can lean on, trust and depend on to help you through life. There is a mutual feeling of love and respect and you are both in sync with each others needs and wants. 

Last year, I would have said your soul mate is exactly who you should spend the rest of your life with. NOW, I have a much better understanding of what I consider a soul mate and why they aren’t always long-term beings.

For me, a soul mate is a seasonal being.

It’s someone you accidentally meet on purpose, to bring certain parts of you to life during that specific season. A soul mate is someone who triggers parts of you, you didn’t know existed. They tend to shake shit up, but in a good way. It feels like a spiritual, karmic, emotional rebirth of some sort.

This person guides you through things you’re unable to experience with anyone else because it’s only meant to be experienced with them…if that makes any sense.

I’ve met two of my soul mates; one in high school and one in college.

So, how did I know?

I can confidently say these two people helped me become aware of parts of myself no one else has ever been able to. They opened my mind up to new perspectives, challenged my rhetoric, and as I stated above, helped me discover and embrace parts of myself that had been hidden so deeply, I wouldn’t have ever known they existed. In a way, they brought me to life.

Then…

You have that person who is every emotion and characteristic you need them to be in one; your life partner. This is the person who grows with you, learns with you, and connects with you. Your life partner is your backbone; they are your stability and they’re definitely long-term beings.

I say all of this to say…

It’s refreshing to connect with an energy similar to your own, even if it’s temporary. It’s just as refreshing to connect with someone who doesn’t just “shake shit up,” but can also provide that stability we need.

If you’re lucky enough to meet your life partner within your soul mate, it’s LIT!

For those who aren’t so lucky, just make sure you really embrace the soul mate experience! It is truly a necessary, and equally euphoric journey, that has prepared me for whatever else life has up its sleeve.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

Have you already crossed paths with your soul mate or maybe even your life partner? Let me know what you’re thinking below in the comments! 

How I Survived The Master Cleanse

How I Survived The Master Cleanse:

Today is the day after my 10 day Master Cleanse Lemonade Detox Diet. This morning I weighed in at 173.4 meaning I have officially lost 7.6 pounds. (I definitely wanted to lose 10lbs, but I’ll surely take the 7lbs).

My reason for beginning the MC was solely for weight loss purposes. I knew detoxing would be a great jumpstart to my weight loss goals and force me to get serious about putting healthier foods into my body.

The MC for me was the beginning of a lifestyle change.

Days 1 – 5:

The first 3 days weren’t horrible, but definitely tough. I think the idea of NOT doing something you’re so used to doing is what hurts the most; I couldn’t chew. This cleanse definitely taught me not to take chewing for granted. LOL! I ended up chewing crushed ice some days just to feel that chewing sensation again.

#PlotTwist: No chewing gum either! 

I made it through about 7-9 glasses a day on days 2-4.

Days 4 and 5 were also tough because it felt like I was in limbo. It felt like turning 19. You’re almost 21, but not quite there and still can’t do anything at 19. I had five to six days left, which felt like an eternity, but I was also approaching my halfway point so why stop now?!

Days 6-10:

Days 6, 7, and 8 were over the weekend and surprisingly, the weekend made it somewhat easier. I didn’t think about food because I wasn’t surrounded by it and I didn’t have to leave the house early in the AM.

BUT at this point, I was over drinking lemonade. I wanted nothing more to do with it and hated how it started to feel against my teeth and taste buds. When I say I barely made it to my required six cups a day…LordT. Water was holding me over.

I wanted to quit. It was exhausting and I was over it.

Saturday, I went without “eating” until about 3pm and felt fine. It wasn’t until my mom and grandma had me running errands with them for hours that I finally felt like I was shutting down. I wasn’t prepared to be out for so long with no food (drink)  and ended up feeling super sick after chugging four glasses just to meet the minimum of six; it didn’t feel good.

Days 9 and 10 were just like the final stretch. Day 9 was a tease because I knew 10 was so close and I just wanted to stop and transition right then and there. Day 10 was a drag because work went by excruciatingly slow, but I made it!

Life After Cleansing:

Because you have to ease back into solids, you’re basically fasting for about 12-15 days if you stop at day 10. Although my MC journey ended yesterday, I still have to endure the transitioning process.

Being the first day since completing the MC, I have to drink orange juice all day. The next steps are dependent on your previous diet and whether you were vegetarian or a meat and dairy eater. The second day after the MC, I am instructed to drink OJ in the morning and at lunch, and a vegetable broth (maybe soup) for dinner. The third day after the MC, soup is permitted with raw fruits and veggies; maybe a salad. You can return to eating normally on the fourth day, but are encouraged to make healthy choices.

Friends who have done the MC all suggested being extremely careful in eating heavily and having fried or bready foods immediately after. From my research, I’ve also noted to stay away from dairy, milk and eggs especially, as they create toxins in the body (the PDF goes more into detail on this).

Just Do IT!

For the people who immediately say they can’t do it – YOU CAN! It’s ALL mental. As long as you’re mentally prepared, you can definitely do this! All you seriously have to do is stay on top of your lemonade prep and monitor your intake. You’ll be fine! I was going to say it’s a piece of cake, but….yeah, no. LOL.

Cost/Ingredients:

I would allot $100 for materials and ingredients for the 10 days.

  • I purchased my lemons in bulk from Sams Club for $25 (5 bags) and only ended up using 4 and 1/2.
  • Organic maple syrup from Wal-Mart ran about $6-8 per bottle (they didn’t have 100% in big bottles near me). I needed 4.
  • The cayenne pepper was already in the cabinet so I didn’t need to buy that.
  • A pack of 12 mason jars, 12 straws and 4 lids were about $20 from Wal-Mart. I also got my lemon juicer at Wal-Mart for $4.
  • I also got my herbal laxative tea (Smooth Move) from Wal-Mart.
  • Sprouts had the vegetable broth, orange juice and organic soup for my transition back to solids so include that also.
  • You’ll also need sea salt for the salt water flush you’re required to do every morning.

Takeaways:

  • I’m almost 100 percent sure my stomach shrank. There were days I wouldn’t get hungry at all and had to force myself to drink the lemonade.
  • I worked out (tennis) while cleansing and didn’t feel weak, extra tired or hungry while doing so.
  • Some days I’d get tired, but when I needed energy, it was always there.
  • The lemonade was amazing. It tasted like Chick-Fil-A’s to me most days, which is why the sweetness of it got irritating after a while. Some days I was seriously ready to shatter all 6 of my glasses, but I quickly learned to make fresh batches and keep them at room temperature for the best taste.
  • You WILL go to the bathroom often, be prepared.
  • I feel empty…that’s for sure. No bloating and my stomach is visibly flatter.
  • My skin cleared up A LOT, even this one problem area that’s been around for years!

I would definitely suggest cleansing because it’s a necessary reset. It isn’t hard to do, just annoying at times. It’s easier with a great support system and preparation. Don’t let yourself get hungry! I read something about taking probiotics to replenish the good bacteria in your body upon finishing the cleanse and be careful with eating lots of fiber because it could cause constipation.

Random: 

For those who are underweight and worried about losing more weight, REMEMBER, the only things you can possibly lose are mucus; waste, and disease. Healthy tissue will not be eliminated.

Sources: 

The Master Cleanse PDF

How To Master Cleanse and Lemonade Diet to Detox and Lose Weight “F.A.S.T.”

If you have any questions, ASK! I have learned SO much from this cleanse that I don’t mind sharing at all! And I just typed this up before work so I could definitely be missing some things so again, feel free to ask.

Happy Cleansing! Good luck!

Sometimes-holding-on-does-more-damage-than-letting-go

Cutting Ties: Friends & Frenemies

Sometimes-holding-on-does-more-damage-than-letting-go
Photo Cred: Google.

I think one of the toughest lessons in life is realizing everyone wasn’t created to think, love, support and give like you. What’s even harder is truly accepting them for who they are. It’s not their fault.

Over the past few months or so, I’ve been slowly eliminating people who “support” me, but don’t actually support me. You know?

The people who claim they want the best for you until you piss them off or surpass them in some way. “Friends” who suddenly stop liking your pictures, sharing your posts and attending your outings. Or, the ones who find something negative to say about every little thing you do.

Yes, them. Frenemies, I guess?

If you, my “friend,” can say or show me how much you DON’T support me when you’re upset with me, I don’t need you in my life. Upset or not, deep down in your heart you do NOT support me; your angry actions will forever speak VOLUMES.

There are people I didn’t necessarily want to let go of, but had to simply because who they were failed to align with who I was striving to be. I don’t love them any less as an individual, I just refuse to allow their negativity and complacency to claim a place in my life.

SO many of us sacrifice our peace of mind and sanity trying to accept the flaws in people who don’t care to change.

But, how could I possibly be upset with someone for being exactly who they are?

Well…there’s a thin line between embracing your flaws and being too stubborn to work on your flawed behavior. That same line applies to loving someone flaws and all while sacrificing pieces of you just to love them.

I’ve put myself in so many mentally and spiritually draining situations by loving and pouring into people who were too selfish to love and pour back, or too insecure with their own lack of progress and success to genuinely accept and applaud mine.

Nobody needs people like that in their circle.

“That’s just how I am,” they say.

But no, that’s not good enough.

Internalizing your insecurities and taking them out on other people is NOT okay.

We all fall short, have issues and struggle with overcoming certain characteristics; we also have the ability to change those things.

I had to learn to stop making excuses for people’s flawed behavior when it proved time and time again, to be detrimental to me and the path I was creating for myself.

You don’t have to put up with anything you don’t see fit for the betterment of YOU. Period.

I’m at a point in my life where I’m striving to emerge myself in mutually nurturing and evolving friendships and relationships.

Everyone needs a good support system; a team that is genuinely rooting for you under any and all circumstances.

I never want to question the motives or genuineness of someone I consider my friend. I shouldn’t have to hold back or feel as though I’m unable to share my aspirations, goals, and ideas with my “friend”  because I fear they’re secretly hoping for my downfall. That is not true friendship.

Because of situations like this, I have truly learned to love certain people from a distance. I’ve also learned to stop giving people the opportunity to pollute the positive energy I’ve worked so hard to maintain, perfect and protect.

What I’m not doing in 2017 is carrying dead weight. I’m cutting ties because, “sometimes holding on does more damage than letting go.”

My Vegetarian Journey: 3 Week Update ft. The Master Cleanse

Damn, Destiny. Back at again with the Vegetarian update!

In case you’re new to my site, I began this vegetarian journey on Feb. 22nd, making it approximately 3 weeks and 1 day since I’ve last eaten meat. Hooray! *throws confetti*

All of my vegetarian friends told me I’d begin to feel lighter and so much better overall, but I don’t really feel a difference at all. I personally think it’s because I was never a crazy meat-eater anyway so there wasn’t much for my body to adjust to, if that makes sense. That could change by the time I update again, so I won’t speak too soon. Also, I haven’t lost any visible weight, but I refuse to check the scale. I’ll start taking measurements in week 4.

In my last post, I said something about considering this new lifestyle change something like a detox…well I lied. The one thing I can admit to struggling with is my sweet tooth. Ugh. It’s BAD! I feel like I need dessert with every meal and I don’t! I’m round enough. At this point, eating two donuts in the morning, a Rice Krispy treat at lunch and a monster cookie with ice cream on top at dinner…is probably equivalent to eating a slab of ribs with chicken tenders on the side. I kid, I kid.

Seriously, I’ll do better. The first step is admitting it. LOL!

Besides my sugar addiction, not eating meat has been fairly easy. Last week I craved chicken, but I made it through the temptation. I’ve spent a lot of time at Chipotle eating veggie bowls (brown rice, black beans, cheese, lettuce and medium salsa), and I kind of like guacamole now. I’ve also tried hummus and baba ganoush, both of which I hated, but I’m not opposed to trying either again. When I’m out to eat with friends at restaurants I get chips and queso, a vegetable plate or anything that incorporates eggs and potatoes.

Being completely honest, this is not hard at all! The only issue I’ve truly had is the lack of convenient options and that’s a given considering what’s being offered at fast food restaurants these days. I’ve quickly learned that in order to truly succeed at this lifestyle, you have to be prepared at all times; nothing is convenient. Also, I eventually want to cut out carbs or do a low, low-carb diet just to test the waters. We’ll see!

SO, I’ve decided to do the Master Cleanse A.K.A. The Lemonade Diet! Yay!

ingredientsThe Master Cleanse is a 10-day liquid detox that promotes extreme weight loss in little to no time. People see results in up to 7 days and if completed correctly, can lose 10-20 pounds! What’s the catch? You can’t eat! No, seriously. It’s a 10-day fast minus the liquid concoction. (Some people go 21 days, but I need to make sure I can get to 10 first.) Tap the link above to read all about it and find out exactly what you’ll need to get started. I plan to prep myself for the cleanse/diet tomorrow until Saturday and begin Sunday morning for the next 10 days. I’m hoping to lose 10 pounds or more as a serious jumpstart to my weight-loss journey.

I’m not afraid of gaining the weight back because I plan on getting extremely strict with my vegetarianism from that point on, and from there I’ll begin to incorporate more cardio and ultimately burn more fat. From the research I’ve done, most people don’t workout during the 10-day fast and typically only gain their weight back if they eat crappy immediately after. I didn’t see any horror stories or read about any trips to the ER, so that’s always a plus. Lastly, I was told to ease into the fast, as well as ease out for obvious reasons. If you aren’t mentally prepared to fast for 10 days, you won’t make it through and if you binge eat the day after, you’ll be terribly sick from not eating for 10 days.

I would seriously suggest watching multiple YouTube videos about it, taking notes and doing a bit of research for yourself before accepting the challenge. If you guys want to join me, I’m starting THIS Sunday, March 19th! I think I’m going to vlog the journey. If so, I’ll come back to this post and drop the link!

Follow me on social media for updates!

Peace!

He Knew | Part Two

How does he know?

I was convinced he had a radar. He’d always know when I was “done”…or close enough.

Let him tell it, he knew it all.

Psht. Please. 

He’d swear up and down he knew me inside and out, but he didn’t…

He couldn’t even remember my birthday. My favorite color or my favorite food. The simple shit.

Tuh.

He knew me inside and out in ways I wished he didn’t. He had pieces of me I wished I’d never shared; parts of me he never deserved.

I didn’t deserve him either; his skeletons. His insecurities, uncertainty, lack of motivation…his demons.

All of what he wasn’t became a part of me; baggage. Breaking through my barriers, stroke by stroke. Gently thumbing through my inner handbook, leaving his trail to hell.

He warned me. I didn’t listen.

Why didn’t you listen? 

I wanted to help him. It was my duty to bring him to life. I wanted to save him; he needed me.

I needed me. 

I was hoping to find pieces of my broken self in the midst of his destruction.

Time and time again, I’d help him rebuild…just for his tornadoes to come thrashing through our progress.

His personalities; they were unpredictable.

I’d go back because it felt good.

I was addicted to the pain…in this sick, twisted way.

He hurt…so good.

It was a cycle. Pain, pleasure, pain, pleasure.

I wasn’t sure when enough would truly be enough…

He knows I’m weak. 

Well…he knew.

-D.

I never thought I'd get over him.

I Never Thought I’d Get Over Him | Part One

I never thought I'd get over him.

I never thought I’d get over him…I still often times wonder if I have.

Have you? I asked myself.

The question remains unanswered.

There are good days, bad days and days words just can’t describe.

Those indescribable days are when the memories of what was, what could have been and what is, taunt me…

It is what it is, right? I tried to shrug it off, but the thoughts were persistent. He didn’t love you, respect you or value you. 

He was like a light switch. Off. On. Off. On.

Some days he’d be madly in love. He’d die for me, he’d want a family with me, and he couldn’t possibly imagine life without me.

See, he really loves me. I’d smile and reassure myself.

It didn’t matter if he proved it. His word was his bond…or whatever.

Isn’t that how it goes?

Sighs.

I had discovered a person within his sociopathic being that only I could find. This person didn’t exist without me. That was why he “loved” me; he needed me.

He was my own personal Jekyll and Hyde. His personalities were limitless. Unpredictable, at best. I vulnerably loved each and every one of them.

Other days his eyes would bore coldly into mine and I’d wonder when it happened.

When did things change? Who is he? How did I become this person?

Who am I? I don’t know.

I found his inner being, his strengths, his weaknesses and his insecurities.

Where am I? Drowning in his sea of uncertainty.

Gasping for air. Holding on for dear life.

I couldn’t imagine leaving him to fend for himself though I’d been told to leave many times.

I’d stare harshly at the mirror wondering what was wrong with me.

My inner being whispered nothing while my exhausted, beaten exterior shouted everything.

I wondered why he couldn’t love me and pour into me the same way I passionately and effortlessly poured into him. Why couldn’t he light my fire the same way I lit his?

WHY! I screamed.

I didn’t understand how I’d plummeted to rock bottom and he stood unmoved at the top.

There were a lot of things I didn’t understand. Still.

As another sporadic, yet rather predictable, “I love you,” text lights up my phone I wonder…

Am I over him? 

I swipe left to delete his message.

Yes. Yes, I am. 

-D.

2017 Thus Far

Before 2016 ended…

I felt compelled to reach out to some of the people I’ve wronged in any way, whether it was completely unintentional, a simple misunderstanding or just an act of immaturity on my part at that given time.

The idea of cleansing my conscience and bringing myself to a peace I’ve never experienced was scary, honestly. I remember telling my mom, grandma and best friend how eery it felt to feel so peaceful. They all said similar things; God is cleansing you for whatever it is He’s preparing you for next.

I wanted nothing more for myself than to go into 2017 with a clean slate emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I truly wanted to leave the negativity behind and I feel like that’s exactly what I did. What better way to hit the ground running than to do so with no extra baggage?

For the most part, I’ve been maintaining that peace.

I find myself a little stressed or overwhelmed from time to time, but nothing a quick to-do list or writing session can’t cure. With me moving out of my apartment, taking on a new role at my job and managing my other extra-curricular writing gigs and miscellaneous outings, I’m spread pretty thin.

I’m not complaining. I’d much rather be busy than chilling and watching life pass me by.

Finding the perfect balance in life seems almost impossible for me at times.

I’m just at a point in my life where I want to live happily and freely. That means traveling with friends, getting a little drunk every now and then, and watching my dreams become a reality. Stress-FREE! I know that isn’t too much to ask for.

Beyond the busyness, 2017 has been very good to me.

I really don’t have any complaints thus far. I’m claiming March (and the rest of this year) to be much more productive. I can admit I slacked off a lot this month, (as you can see with my not-so-weekly blog posts) but I refuse to spend another year playing catch up so I’m officially getting with the shit!

So far I’ve created my debt elimination plan for my crazy credit cards, started working towards living a healthier lifestyle, AND booked my trip to Mexico for the summer! It’s LIT!

How’s 2017 treating YOU so far? Also, let me know what helps you get things under control when you’re feeling overwhelmed or out of whack!

My Vegetarian Journey


As of Feb. 21st, I am officially a vegetarian (a trial-run vegetarian).

 What helped me make this decision?

For starters, I used to eat horribly throughout my senior year of high school and early college years.

I’m cutting myself some slack on that because…being a broke college student is hard! Let alone eating right and being broke. If you’ve been a broke college student, or just broke, you know first hand how easy and convenient it is to stock up on Ramen noodles, Hot Pockets, frozen pizzas, and anything else that may be quick, easy and CHEAP!

I would eat Taco Bell, McDonalds, Wendy’s and plenty of other unhealthy fast food joints ALL the time and at all times of the night because it was cheap, easily accessible and pretty good for the most part.

It wasn’t until I had a bad experience or two (or three) with various fast food restaurants that I finally said, “Bruh, I can’t eat this shit anymore,” and began to cut them from my diet. It was much easier than I thought. After eliminating fast food restaurants, I moved on to eliminating beef and finally pork (except bacon because I’m weak). That leaves chicken, turkey, and fish; none of which have done me wrong. (LOL)

Okay…well, why NOW?

Truthfully, I just want to lose weight! I figured cutting out meat could help me do that. Beyond weight loss, just simply wanting to feel better within as a whole. I’m considering this journey something like a detox which at this point, is very necessary. My healthy eating and gym habits have been almost non-existent since my Vegas trip in October. That’s 4 months of laziness and intentional bodily harm for absolutely no reason.

Eating “healthy” isn’t a real issue for me as much as working out consistently is. However, it seems as though I’m never able to work out and eat healthy at the same time. That’s a problem, obviously.

So…what’s my plan?

First and foremost, I have to be extremely mindful of the things I’m eating in place of meat.

For example: Just because I’m cutting meat out of my diet doesn’t mean I should eat an entire bag of grapes instead because essentially, the amount of sugar in that bag of grapes is likely equivalent to, or much worse than the serving of meat I would typically have.

That makes sense, right?

I’m still doing my research on everything, learning the ropes and talking to my vegetarian and vegan friends. I know there’s so much more to this lifestyle and I can’t wait to learn and share the things I learn along the way.

I plan to hit the grocery store this Friday to stock up on healthy alternatives and make something shake for the next few weeks. Only two days have passed and I’m already struggling to come up with decent meals. Before you read what I’ve eaten and judge me, please note I am already aware that I need to do better! (LOL).

Day 1: I ate lots of fruits like pineapples, cantaloupe, and bananas. I drank a ton of water and I had a few cookies. For dinner, I had some fried rice from Panda Express.

Day 2: I had fruit and peanuts for breakfast and lunch. For dinner, I had fried rice and steamed vegetables from Panda Express.

What do you guys think of my vegetarian journey so far? Are you or any of your friends vegan or vegetarian? If so, please send any and all of your knowledge my way! Ya girl needs help! Tips, sites, recipes, snack/meal ideas, anything will help!

Why Are You Single?

The dreaded question I’m finally ready to answer.

I’m single because…

I require too much substance from those who aren’t willing to, or are incapable of giving it. It’s always the fake “deep” dudes who slide in my DMs trying to smooth talk me and run some played out 2011 game I’m 99.9 percent sure I can run better. *eye roll*

Fake Deep: The act of putting on a facade to relate to, and/or share a passion for a topic or hobby; this is a result of lacking the mental capacity to understand and/or relate.

Not only do I actually need my man to feel me, I need him to FEEL ME. You feel me?

I want the kind of intimacy that can only be created through meaningful, mentally stimulating conversation. The type that emotionally connects us in ways physicalities can’t. I want to vibe and be on the same wavelength and shit like that.

Tip: Don’t be fake deep with me; I see through it and you.

Beyond all that, I am SO much more than my appearance, my accomplishments, my goals and my aspirations in life. Yes, all of those things look extremely nice, but that’s just PART of me; it’s not all of me.

I’m a free spirit…I crave adventure!

No, being a free spirit isn’t equivalent to wanting to be free of commitment; it’s a personality trait. For me, it’s the act or idea of always wanting or seeking something new and exhilarating, whether it’s a new adventure or new challenge. Free spiritism (yes, I made that word up) is the dire need to have the option to explore other non-routine things. In short, if everyone is walking one direction of a trail and there’s a scenic route, I want to take the scenic route because who knows what could happen!

Intrigue me!

Small talk for me is like claustrophobia for others; it drives me insane. I’m cringing just typing about it right now. Small talk is awkward and almost impossible for me to participate in. Not that I want to have extremely thought-provoking conversations at 10am, but don’t “WYD” me to death either! And for the record, I appreciate (prefer) full sentences, punctuation and actual words instead of abbreviations.

Routines bore me.

“Good morning” every single day is boring. Yeah, I said it. Spice it up! Text me an inspirational quote, send me a funny picture, ask me how I’m feeling or send me something interesting to read…but do NOT send me a bland or effortless “GM” text every damn morning. That’s the quickest way to get left on “read.”

The same concept applies to dates and outings. I’m not picky, but I do get bored easily. A movie date every Friday will get boring and I promise you that’s not being picky. Plan something random like an ice cream date or a trip to the lake on a Tuesday and I’ll be completely satisfied. Tell me we’re going to eat at my favorite restaurant when I get off and I might fall in love.

If you didn’t peep the keywords PLAN something and TELL me, you’ve already lost this battle. As much as I love being in control of pretty much everything, the one thing I really don’t want to be in control of is my relationship. I feel like that’s my man’s job…you know, to plan shit, be assertive, stand his ground and tell me what we’re doing. Most of all, keep me on my toes. That’s desirable. It’s exciting.

I hate predictability.

I desire to be with a guy who can take control of what should be taken control of. It’s simple shit, really. Show me you’re worth submitting to at the very least, because who’s not out here submitting to mediocrity, is me. I don’t like being commanded to do something however, I don’t mind being led; there’s a difference. I like being in control, but I CAN sacrifice being in control if the person I’m sacrificing it for can handle the job.

Want to impress me? Be yourself!

I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but money, cars, and clothes (or any other variation of inanimate objects) do absolutely nothing for me. I don’t care if you’re balling, you’re rocking a Gucci belt or that you drive an Audi (that breaks down every other month)…because that shit doesn’t appeal to me. In fact, if I feel like that’s all you have to offer OR that you’re selling yourself to me, I’m immediately disinterested.

That’s what I mean by lacking substance…what else do you bring to the table? Did you graduate college? What have you accomplished? What are your goals for the next year? Do you go to church? What’s your relationship like with your family? (Moms especially).

Don’t put the F in effort!

“Netflix and Chill” is totally acceptable once we’re actually in a relationship, but if we’re still in the pursuant stages, it’s a hell no from me, dawg. I can sit in my OWN face and watch Netflix by my damn self. Put some thought into it! Actually, listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth. Women are a book of cheat codes! We literally give yall the study guide to figuring shit out and yall still do it the hard way!

Mind. Blown.

In addition to this effort topic, TRY! Like, actually TRY. We notice when you’re doing the bare minimum, or at least I do, and yes, that’s a problem.

I don’t like rejection.

Who does? I don’t want to feel like I’m putting in majority of the effort and you’re just soaking it all up. I do like a little chase, but I’m not going to chase for long or too hard; I’m the prize here.

Support me! (Read, re-read, and re-read this)

I’m not passionate about a lot, but the few things I am passionate about include writing, blogging and creating. The LEAST you can do is be my biggest fan. You know…actually show interest in the shit I write, blog and create. Even if you don’t relate to it or even understand where the hell I’m going with a certain idea, BE MY BIGGEST FAN regardless! It’s not rocket science, people. There is no possible way you’re feeling me and don’t know what the hell I do in my spare time. Yes, I notice when you ask me about everything except what I spend majority of my time doing, and yes, you’re losing points every time you blatantly fail to show interest in my favorite thing(s) to do.

My writing is me. I am my words. To know me is to read me. If you’re not reading and supporting my shit, as my MAN, you’re not reading and understanding ME. It’s a package deal, bih.

All in all, I just struggle with connecting with people on certain levels. It’s either way too much or not enough; I haven’t quite found my happy medium, but I know it exists. So, until then…I’m just outchea perfecting and protecting my energy.

Why are YOU single? Let me know in the comment section!