HE DOESN’T WANT YOU!
Okay, I’m lying. Let me put it like this…
He might want you, but not enough to get his shit together to KEEP you, or prove himself to you.
All you’re getting is the bare minimum; a little love and attention here and there to keep you satisfied long enough to not question him.
But we both know the questions are still there.
Why just the bare minimum, though?
Good news is, it may not even be that you’re the side chick. Maybe he’s just not ready to commit to you, or anyone else, fully. It could be you’re not exactly what he’s looking for, but he isn’t ready to lose the potential of you. You know?
You’re his “back pocket bitch,” as my best friend likes to call them.
You’re there for safe keeping, or a cushion for whenever he’s ready to call his lifestyle quits. When he decides he’s done doing his bachelor thing, not wanting to be held accountable or whatever the case may be.
But how is that fair to you?
You already know if you even fix your mouth to “step out” or entertain other guys or ANYTHING that jeopardizes his control over you, or the situationship you’re in, it’s a problem!
LOL! And we’re the crazy ones, right?!
Girl…that’s just what he wants you to think. You have plenty of sense! Enough to know you deserve better than a man who can’t decide what he wants or be straight up about his intentions.
A lot of bullshittin’ guys fail to realize honesty is the best policy!
There are plenty of women who are down with waiting around, being a side chick or just going with the flow until they’re ready to part ways, but they never give you the option of deciding if you’re cool with the terms and conditions.
A good bit of these men wouldn’t know how to be upfront and honest if Upfront and Honest hit them right in the head.
It’s something like selling you your dream house. They tell you all about the amenities, put in a little work to make it look and feel solid, get you all comfortable and moved in, and THEN you realize there’s mold, the A/C barely works and there’s plumbing issues!
So, he sold you an AS-IS home, you’re tired of constantly asking him to handle the maintenance, and you know you can do so much better. Now what?
LEAVE! Yes, leave! Run!
What are you waiting for? The only thing left to see here is a re-run episode! He’s going to sell you an edited version of the same dream, you’re gonna unpack your stuff and then what? You guessed it! You’re gonna realize the mold, plumbing issues and barely working A/C are all STILL there. Actually, now the issues have doubled since the first time you said you were leaving!
Everything you’re not satisfied with is beginning to overflow and you can finally see the things you overlooked before. You’re tired of him leaving your questions unanswered, doing shit without consulting or involving you, wondering why he has two phones and you only have the number to one…yeah, ALL that.
I’ll break it to you now. It’s a cycle. It WILL repeat and no, you don’t HAVE to stay. In fact, nobody is making you stay! Not even him! He’s not telling you NOT to leave him, but he’s definitely not telling you to stay. It might sound more like, “Do whatever you want.” Because he already knows you don’t want to do that and you’re waiting for him to stop you…except he’s not going to, girl!
Every single time the “honeymoon phase” repeats itself, your issues get swept under the rug.
Actions speak louder than words!
Where’s the proof that he’s not gonna do this or that anymore? How is he really changing to be better for you two to work? Is he even working on anything at all, or is there just another dream in the works? Have you WITNESSED anything new or is it still the same ol’ shit?
Be honest with yourself. You have to love and respect yourself in order for anyone else to do so. If you don’t, why should they? When you allow their BS, you’re also allowing them to disrespect everything you stand for, and said you wouldn’t put up with. It’s not okay!
You just have to decide who means more in this situation – you or him? Are you willing to KEEP sacrificing your sanity for someone who doesn’t respect you enough to NOT do the things you’ve asked them not to do multiple times?
These are questions you need to ask yourself.
How important is it that you have this person around while they cause you stress, tears and who knows what else? If he
can’t won’t change to meet your minimum requirements, he doesn’t care about you! Ugh, I won’t say he doesn’t care, but he doesn’t care ENOUGH to change, clearly.
Say you’ve distanced yourself, moved on, moved into a new dream home and figured some things out for yourself. You alllllready know he’s back, and he’s hot on your tail because he knows you no longer give a fuck. They always know!
And ma’am, I need you to KEEP not giving a fuck because he didn’t give enough fucks when you needed him to!
They always decide to change when it’s too late. Not your problem!
I’m not saying y’all can’t try again, but if you do give him another chance, make sure he’s not just talking the talk, but actually walking the walk. Otherwise, you’ve just buckled right on up for the same merry-go-round you just spent so much time trying to get off of, and this time it WILL be harder to get off and it WILL hurt, probably much more than the first time.
Repeat: Actions will always speak louder than words!
Guard your heart and choose wisely. Everyone doesn’t deserve exclusive access, especially if they’re taking it for granted.