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Goodbye? Or see you later…

This is pretty personal I guess, but that’s the point of having this blog, right? I need to release.

So, I’m sitting here right now with tears running down my cheeks wondering what purpose my blog really serves anymore. In this moment, I truly feel like walking away and washing my hands of it.

I’ll never stop writing — because writing is life — but I’m not sure I can continue to publish my thoughts.

Maybe I’m having a moment, but in this very moment, I feel extremely discouraged. I feel like I’m wasting my time trying to engage and essentially force my blog onto people who would show interest if they were actually interested.

I read a post a while ago from She’s Candid about your friends and family not supporting your blog and it still hits home for me every time I revisit the post. You’d think your friends and family would be your biggest supporters and loudest cheerleaders, but they’re not. That’s honestly the slap in the face to all of this — wanting the people you love and care about to genuinely support the ONE thing you love and care about.

I mean, people in general.

It feels good to know people are reading, relating and finding peace in my experiences and words. Who doesn’t love a comment on something or feedback letting you know you’re doing a great job. Words of affirmation (my love language) mean the world to me. We all seek some type of validation in one way or another and this is my way of doing so.

Obviously, it hurts when the people I would expect to support me, don’t. It dims my fire. It makes me feel like no one cares if the people I love the most don’t. So why continue? Ya know.

I think people forget that I can literally see who opens my emails, who reads them and who clicks. My site tells me how many page views my blog got, the specific post and the pages they clicked on. So imagine how it feels to share something special and see no one has interacted with it. It’s not a good feeling.

Yes, I know it doesn’t matter what people think or do, but at the end of the day it matters to ME. Writing is my passion, my release, my escape from everything in life when I can’t find the words to verbally tell someone what or how I’m feeling. So naturally, I want people to share an interest in what brings me so much joy.

I don’t know what to do at this point. I just feel stuck. Taking a break from publishing new posts is probably good while I try to figure out what I want from this whole thing. I don’t know what’s next for my blog, guys. It’s definitely going to hurt to say goodbye, but “see you later” sounds a little too promising for the way I’m feeling right now.

I just pray I find the answers and guidance I’m seeking in pursuing this passion and what I’ve considered to be my purpose for so long. It really sucks to question your calling.

Until next time…if there ever is a next time.