I try so hard not to be the “hurt” girl. You know, the girl who claims she has trust issues, the “damn, who hurt you?” girl. Or, the girl who remains guarded for as long as humanly possible because she’s terrified of giving someone another opportunity to break her heart.
But…what if I am that girl? What if I have been hurt, and I do have trust issues. Maybe I am guarded, terrified and untrusting.
I have every right to be that girl.
I’m protecting my heart, soul and energy at all costs. I refuse to invite anyone who doesn’t offer warm, positive vibes, into my space. I have worked SO hard to reach this place of peace that I’m just not willing to take any risks disrupting it.
However…I do try my absolute hardest to go into new prospective ventures with a clean slate. Despite past experiences, it’s not okay to blame your new boo for what your past one did. It is okay to be weary of who has access to your energy. I’ve allowed some very hurt, angry and selfish people into my realm and it shows.
Hurt people, hurt people. Isn’t that what they say?
I know for a fact I’ve hurt some people solely because I didn’t know how to deal with it.
Somehow, I became the female version of the assholes who hurt me by refusing to accept the fact that all guys really aren’t the same.
I thought closing myself off to the idea of “catching feelings,” and “settling down,” was seeking “revenge” of some sort, yet consequently, all I managed to do was push some amazingly genuine guys away.
I hurt them the same way previous guys hurt me.
The idea of being completely vulnerable, open and trusting of someone who has the ability to one day switch up and decide “this isn’t for them,” will always scare me. The same fear comes along with potentially letting my guard down for the wrong person and free-falling to my romantic death. (Okay, I’m being dramatic lol.)
Don’t get me wrong! I’m completely open to falling in love, allowing someone to take control and expressing my feelings for someone who willingly reciprocates each of those things. Will it change the fact that I’m still terrified? Not quite, but at least I’m open to the idea. That counts, right?
All in all, don’t harbor on your pain or blame someone else for it. Take the past and use it as a study guide for the future. We only repeat the things we haven’t quite learned from.