The dreaded question I’m finally ready to answer.
I’m single because…
I require too much substance from those who aren’t willing to, or are incapable of giving it. It’s always the fake “deep” dudes who slide in my DMs trying to smooth talk me and run some played out 2011 game I’m 99.9 percent sure I can run better. *eye roll*
Fake Deep: The act of putting on a facade to relate to, and/or share a passion for a topic or hobby; this is a result of lacking the mental capacity to understand and/or relate.
Not only do I actually need my man to feel me, I need him to FEEL ME. You feel me?
I want the kind of intimacy that can only be created through meaningful, mentally stimulating conversation. The type that emotionally connects us in ways physicalities can’t. I want to vibe and be on the same wavelength and shit like that.
Tip: Don’t be fake deep with me; I see through it and you.
Beyond all that, I am SO much more than my appearance, my accomplishments, my goals and my aspirations in life. Yes, all of those things look extremely nice, but that’s just PART of me; it’s not all of me.
I’m a free spirit…I crave adventure!
No, being a free spirit isn’t equivalent to wanting to be free of commitment; it’s a personality trait. For me, it’s the act or idea of always wanting or seeking something new and exhilarating, whether it’s a new adventure or new challenge. Free spiritism (yes, I made that word up) is the dire need to have the option to explore other non-routine things. In short, if everyone is walking one direction of a trail and there’s a scenic route, I want to take the scenic route because who knows what could happen!
Small talk for me is like claustrophobia for others; it drives me insane. I’m cringing just typing about it right now. Small talk is awkward and almost impossible for me to participate in. Not that I want to have extremely thought-provoking conversations at 10am, but don’t “WYD” me to death either! And for the record, I appreciate (prefer) full sentences, punctuation and actual words instead of abbreviations.
Routines bore me.
“Good morning” every single day is boring. Yeah, I said it. Spice it up! Text me an inspirational quote, send me a funny picture, ask me how I’m feeling or send me something interesting to read…but do NOT send me a bland or effortless “GM” text every damn morning. That’s the quickest way to get left on “read.”
The same concept applies to dates and outings. I’m not picky, but I do get bored easily. A movie date every Friday will get boring and I promise you that’s not being picky. Plan something random like an ice cream date or a trip to the lake on a Tuesday and I’ll be completely satisfied. Tell me we’re going to eat at my favorite restaurant when I get off and I might fall in love.
If you didn’t peep the keywords PLAN something and TELL me, you’ve already lost this battle. As much as I love being in control of pretty much everything, the one thing I really don’t want to be in control of is my relationship. I feel like that’s my man’s job…you know, to plan shit, be assertive, stand his ground and tell me what we’re doing. Most of all, keep me on my toes. That’s desirable. It’s exciting.
I hate predictability.
I desire to be with a guy who can take control of what should be taken control of. It’s simple shit, really. Show me you’re worth submitting to at the very least, because who’s not out here submitting to mediocrity, is me. I don’t like being commanded to do something however, I don’t mind being led; there’s a difference. I like being in control, but I CAN sacrifice being in control if the person I’m sacrificing it for can handle the job.
Want to impress me? Be yourself!
I don’t know how many times I have to say this, but money, cars, and clothes (or any other variation of inanimate objects) do absolutely nothing for me. I don’t care if you’re balling, you’re rocking a Gucci belt or that you drive an Audi (that breaks down every other month)…because that shit doesn’t appeal to me. In fact, if I feel like that’s all you have to offer OR that you’re selling yourself to me, I’m immediately disinterested.
That’s what I mean by lacking substance…what else do you bring to the table? Did you graduate college? What have you accomplished? What are your goals for the next year? Do you go to church? What’s your relationship like with your family? (Moms especially).
Don’t put the F in effort!
“Netflix and Chill” is totally acceptable once we’re actually in a relationship, but if we’re still in the pursuant stages, it’s a hell no from me, dawg. I can sit in my OWN face and watch Netflix by my damn self. Put some thought into it! Actually, listen to the words that are coming out of my mouth. Women are a book of cheat codes! We literally give yall the study guide to figuring shit out and yall still do it the hard way!
In addition to this effort topic, TRY! Like, actually TRY. We notice when you’re doing the bare minimum, or at least I do, and yes, that’s a problem.
I don’t like rejection.
Who does? I don’t want to feel like I’m putting in majority of the effort and you’re just soaking it all up. I do like a little chase, but I’m not going to chase for long or too hard; I’m the prize here.
Support me! (Read, re-read, and re-read this)
I’m not passionate about a lot, but the few things I am passionate about include writing, blogging and creating. The LEAST you can do is be my biggest fan. You know…actually show interest in the shit I write, blog and create. Even if you don’t relate to it or even understand where the hell I’m going with a certain idea, BE MY BIGGEST FAN regardless! It’s not rocket science, people. There is no possible way you’re feeling me and don’t know what the hell I do in my spare time. Yes, I notice when you ask me about everything except what I spend majority of my time doing, and yes, you’re losing points every time you blatantly fail to show interest in my favorite thing(s) to do.
My writing is me. I am my words. To know me is to read me. If you’re not reading and supporting my shit, as my MAN, you’re not reading and understanding ME. It’s a package deal, bih.
All in all, I just struggle with connecting with people on certain levels. It’s either way too much or not enough; I haven’t quite found my happy medium, but I know it exists. So, until then…I’m just outchea perfecting and protecting my energy.
Why are YOU single? Let me know in the comment section!
Demarco Robinson says
This is a great read. You have a interested perspective. I would say I am single because I haven’t proved to God that I love myself enough for him to bless me with my wife yet. So instead of waiting on the right one, I’m preparing myself for who God sends and I think thats where I perfect self love. Being on both sides of the fence at one time or another I know most men chase women because of the lack of love for self. So we try to fill voids by being “players” but that’s just a sense of insecurity.
Aww, thank you Demarco for taking the time out to read! Your reasons for being single are awesome! I’ve been trying to do the same and I can’t lie, I get distracted and off track sometimes. Self love is SO SO important. It’s literally the foundation to a healthy relationship for both parties. Preach!!!
This is what I’ve been going through for the past 5 years and I’m in my late 30’s! I hope that men are reading this! Great work!
I used to think as I got older and as guys matured, things would change…but I feel like they’re moving constantly moving backward and I’m moving forward. Lol. It’s exhausting! I hope they’re reading too and taking lots of notes cuz I’m TIED of explaining!! Thank you so much for reading and commenting! (:
Great post! Does this apply for friendships as well?? Lol you sound just like me and I not only struggle with this in relationships but friendships as well. I have became such a loner these days because ppl just don’t seem to get it. Its even worst being in a relationship and still feeling like your single 🙄🙄🙄! Its like even BEING what you want to attract seems so far-fetched this day and age with so many ppl being so closed-minded and stuck in their ways its like change/growth is a foreign language to them. If there’s no real goal besides sex when entering a relationship then I don’t want it. I have long-term goals which requires a long term relationship and its hard to find someone who truly wants to commit to that.
Thank you, Moni!!! I would say this definitely applies to friendships! It’s hard to be friends with someone who doesn’t support or understand you. It’s like why are we even doing this? lol. And yes girl! I can so relate. Even if you’re putting out what you want to receive, there’s no guarantee what you’ll get it. smh. We have the same struggle, seriously!
I really enjoyed your post!
So I am single because I am careful lol. I am very “protective” of myself. It takes a lot for me to let my guard down around you and if I do it means I give my all. I can’t just give my all to any and everyone so I am very careful. I am not one to complain but I find a lot of times men like to compliment, like to go on about how much you can trust, how much they “feel” until they get to that point where you have let your guard down. Then things “Get real” and it scares them. I know what I want and I respect what you (guy) want, we both have to compromise but please do not waste my time…you know what I mean?
Omg yes I totally know what you mean! I’m the same way! Once I’m in, I’m 100% in and I don’t know how to jump back out. It’s really unfortunate sometimes how invested I allow myself to become, but that’s just how I operate I guess. So I totally feel you about being careful. They’re alwayssss ready until they see the “get real” side of things. Lol. We’re so alike!
Thanks so much for reading girly.
Very well put! Totally enjoyed reading this!👍
Thanks for reading! 😊
Very interesting read but trust me you won’t find all this qualities in any man out there. It’s pretty much picking what important and going with the flow. Support had always been key for me as I have driven personality and I didn’t want a guy who will be intimidated by that. And another key for me was someone who has similar goals in life and has God in their heart. I hope you find what you want tho xxx