You know that feeling you get when you know something or someone is no good for you, but the “what if” and the “benefit of the doubt” in you just won’t let you stray away?
This has been the story of her life for quite some time now…
She finds herself battling with the question, “Do I want to be with someone like him?” When she should be asking if he deserves to be with someone like her.
The way he makes her feel — she hates it. When it’s good, it’s “good,” but when it’s bad, it’s really bad. He sucks the life out of her.
And somehow, it seems she’s the only one who suffers from the unstable rollercoaster that is their relationship — if what they have even deserves that type of recognition.
He says it’s what she’s shown him that makes him feel the way he does about her. She understands. But do the actions he’s shown her not matter? Do the various ways he’s hurt her not count? She’s constantly proving herself, but is never being met halfway.
Her heart knows he’s not securing her, loving her or valuing her. She’s just existing in his life. Nothing more, nothing less.
Deep down in her heart, she knows she deserves so much better. She deserves someone who will value all that she is and all that she isn’t. Someone who will challenge, love and shower her.
She asks herself if the traditional picture-perfect family is worth having if it doesn’t come with true love, peace and happiness. She wonders if the mediocrity is worth it all; if she wants her child to grow up seeing a makeshift, forced version of true love and genuine happiness or if she deserves to see what being valued looks and feels like.
She doesn’t believe he’s capable of showing that type of love — or maybe he just isn’t capable when it comes to her.
He’s proved himself unworthy of a love as pure and innocent as hers more times than one, but the naivety she suffers from won’t allow her to break the cycle.
Her heart knows it’s time. She see’s the reality of the situation. She’s walked away before, but the test she has yet to pass is staying away.