Pumping/Breastfeeding & The “Snapback”
I recently stopped breastfeeding due to my supply dropping to almost nothing for some unknown reason. Yes, I absolutely have mom guilt for that. It bothered me for a while, honestly. I felt like I was giving up on her health by not pushing through despite the negative feelings breastfeeding brought me.
Pumping every 2 to 2.5 hours caused me to feel like I was chained to my pump with no free time to do anything else or even really enjoy my baby. And, yes, I feel bad for not being able to give my baby breast milk anymore, but I honestly and truly tried my best. I’m just grateful for being able to breastfeed for as long as I could. Now, I have more time to spend and enjoy with her.
It’s bittersweet.
I know a baby doesn’t change my ability to live my best life, but the pressure to “snapback” and return to my pre-pregnancy body is grossly overwhelming. While no one is pushing or pressuring it directly, there is an indirect pressure that exists within our society that makes me feel like I’m not trying hard enough.
I’d love to see my “pre-baby” bod, but I also have to realize the trauma my body has experienced while creating another human life. I have literally just housed and birthed an entire human being. Expecting to return to “pre-baby” Destiny in two months or even five, is simply unrealistic for a single, working mother.
Society makes us feel like everything will instantly snap back into place; the baby weight will fall off and boom, you’re a MILF. But, that actually isn’t the case with most moms. Everyone doesn’t snap back, some women never lose their baby weight and some never really feel “normal” again.
I’m guilty of anticipating this magical snap back that never really came.
I had a gut before, so I didn’t expect that to disappear. However, hearing things like “breastfeeding will make the baby weight drop” and other magical motherhood testimonies made me think I’d instantly look like my normal self again.
I didn’t.
My confidence levels hit rock bottom. And, not having the time to work out, or extra money to pamper myself when I do feel like a hideous milk monster, doesn’t help.
I wasn’t diagnosed with post-partum depression, but I often wonder if I suffered from it. The stress of becoming a new mom and having your life and body change so much can be unbearable for some.
I joke about being a MILF in my posts and pictures, but it wasn’t until recently that I realized I still look pretty great. Once I find the time to get my body back on a consistent workout schedule, I know I’ll start to feel semi-normal again.
There is light at the end of the tunnel, mama’s. It may be a bit of a ride until we get there, but we will. Don’t be too hard on yourselves.
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